Life.
This is what I want to say and I don't want to say it no more!
When you lie to me, I don't know what to do. I've never lied to you. All I ever wanted was to pick up all the pieces and put them back together your way.
But that was the thing, it was always about you and your way. Even when it wasn't, it was. It was always about what you wanted to do, I did anything and everything that you asked of me. Did I really turn into what everyone was saying I was turning in to?: A relationship carpet. I let him leave me in the rain, downtown, at my back door. I let everything go, giving myself excuses and now that it's really the time for me to let him go, I can't even stand the thought of him telling me he doesn't like me anymore. I can't stand the thought of it ending, even if it already has more than it should have. Sometimes I feel like we just didn't get our time. We didn't get enough time to grow, and that's why I hate that it's ending. I hate that it's ending because there were so many things that we hadn't done, but to him it seemed like we were already sick of each other.
People say that everything is forgiveable to your loved one, but I can't forgive him. I forgave him the first time and he promised me it wouldn't happen again. But it did, and it was even worse the second time, it ended up being the one moment where I felt the shittiest I had ever felt in my life. No matter how much he apologized I couldn't believe him. No matter how many times he told me he loved me, I couldn't believe him. Was I being selfish because I wasn't willing to forgive him because he hurt me as bad as he did? I don't think so, because it's how I feel and I can't change that. The difference between the two of us is that I was willing to work it out, and he had already given up. There were about a million times that I could have done what he did, but I didn't. I just feel like when I was trying, he wasn't.
Sorry, but it's not that easy, you have to be more than hoping that it's going to work out. You can't keep ignoring me, eventually I'm going to have to stop ignoring you.
So I did become the carpet, that sucks. So you've given up, that sucks. So I still love you, that sucks.
When you lie to me, I don't know what to do. I've never lied to you. All I ever wanted was to pick up all the pieces and put them back together your way.
But that was the thing, it was always about you and your way. Even when it wasn't, it was. It was always about what you wanted to do, I did anything and everything that you asked of me. Did I really turn into what everyone was saying I was turning in to?: A relationship carpet. I let him leave me in the rain, downtown, at my back door. I let everything go, giving myself excuses and now that it's really the time for me to let him go, I can't even stand the thought of him telling me he doesn't like me anymore. I can't stand the thought of it ending, even if it already has more than it should have. Sometimes I feel like we just didn't get our time. We didn't get enough time to grow, and that's why I hate that it's ending. I hate that it's ending because there were so many things that we hadn't done, but to him it seemed like we were already sick of each other.
People say that everything is forgiveable to your loved one, but I can't forgive him. I forgave him the first time and he promised me it wouldn't happen again. But it did, and it was even worse the second time, it ended up being the one moment where I felt the shittiest I had ever felt in my life. No matter how much he apologized I couldn't believe him. No matter how many times he told me he loved me, I couldn't believe him. Was I being selfish because I wasn't willing to forgive him because he hurt me as bad as he did? I don't think so, because it's how I feel and I can't change that. The difference between the two of us is that I was willing to work it out, and he had already given up. There were about a million times that I could have done what he did, but I didn't. I just feel like when I was trying, he wasn't.
Sorry, but it's not that easy, you have to be more than hoping that it's going to work out. You can't keep ignoring me, eventually I'm going to have to stop ignoring you.
So I did become the carpet, that sucks. So you've given up, that sucks. So I still love you, that sucks.
posted by Elinor at
3:45 PM
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