Life is beautiful, but it's complicated and we barely make it.

So...this weekend I really learned about the saying "you don't know what you go till it's gone." I mean really, why is it that whenever I have something that could be potentially great sitting right in front of me, i can't act on it. It's like a disease, it's like a personality trait for me, I can't be happy with something if someone else isn't happy with it or if someone else tells me it would never work out. And really, do i ever end up happier listening to other people divuldge information about MY personal life to ME? I know I ask for it and really, there is no one to blame in this but me. Still, I can't help but think that I should think more about what I want and more about what would be good for me RIGHT NOW, not what people would say or think about me later. I hurt someone's feelings and now I'm the one sad. And I wasn't jealous, I was ACTUALLY sad. I know it wasn't all the different things that may have been going on that night, I know why I was sad and I know what I did wrong. Now I just really really don't know what to do. I don't want to tell them because, fuck, they've moved on and so that means I should too right? Before I didn't even think that it would be anything to move onto from, I thought it was going to pass through like it ain't no thing. Now they have a chance to be happy and if I'm their friend, I have to respect that. And I'm going to. I'm going to keep quiet and let the chips fall as they may.

Let's just say, my mother would not approve.