I hate how nothing works out. I hate every decision I've ever made. I hate every thought that I've ever had because they've never gotten me what I wanted and needed. I can never be ok with anything, I have to sit with it and stew with it and let it fucking fester me until I wish it had never happened rather than having to think about it in a sinful matter. In a matter as something that I did wrong or something that I just shouldn't have even gotten myself into. That way I think makes me think that there isn't any hope, that I should give up, that there are reasons why I am the way I am. But truly, I am the way I am because I don't know how else to be without thinking that I can't pull it off, without thinking I'm a total flake out. I wish I was moving away to some huge city where no one knew my name or my face or me. I wouldn't have to betray anyone but myself then. It's the only thing that I can think of where I'll be at rest. I have to rid everyone of me. I have to get rid of all traces of me.